What Is Love? Understanding of the 3 Spiritual Levels of Love

What is Love? As much as we might like to, we can't force love to happen. But we can understand its many levels and connect more easily to its source.

Love Is a Many-Leveled Thing

Most of us have been confused about love all of our lives. In fact, we often begin the inner life as a search—conscious or unconscious—for a source of love that can't be taken away. We may have grown up feeling unloved or believing we had to perform heroic feats to deserve love. Our parents, the movies we see, our cultural and religious milieu give us ideas about love that go on influencing us long after we have forgotten their source. When we read spiritual books and encounter teachers, our understanding about love can get even more complicated, because depending on what we read or with whom we study, we get slightly different ideas on what love means in spiritual life.

Some teachers tell us that our essence is love; others say love is a passion, an emotion that leads to addiction and clinging. If we're on a devotional path like bhakti yoga, Sufism, or mystical Christianity, we're often taught that the way to enlightenment is to fall in love with God and let that love grow until it engulfs us and we become one with the Beloved. If we're on a more knowledge-based yogic path, we may be taught to look at the feelings of bliss and love that arise in practice, because, we're told, the spaciousness that is our goal is beyond such feelings.

We are soon left to wonder where the truth lies in all of this. When spiritual teachers use the word love, what kind of love are they talking about? Is Eros (romantic or sexual love) really different from agape, the so-called unconditional or spiritual love? Is devotional love the same as compassion, or love for humanity? Is love something we have to feel, or is it enough to offer kindness and direct positive thoughts toward ourselves and others? And how is it that some teachers tell us that love is both the path and the goal, while others seem to ignore the subject altogether?

In spiritual life alone, the word love is used in at least three ways, and our experience and understanding of love will differ according to which aspect of it we are thinking about. For the sake of discussion, let's refer to these three aspects of love as (1) Absolute Love, or the Great Love, which Ramakrishna, Rumi, and the teachers of the bhakti yoga and nondualism Tantra traditions tell us is ever- present, impersonal, and the very underpinning of the universe; (2) our individual experience of love, which is personal, and usually directed at something or someone; and (3) love as practice.

1. Absolute Love

Love with a capital L: That's the Great Love, love as the source of everything, love as radical unity. At this level, love is another name for Absolute Reality, Supreme Consciousness, God, Brahman, the Tao, the Source—that vast presence called the Heart. The yoga tradition often describes Absolute Reality as Satchidananda—meaning that it is pure beingness, present everywhere and in everything (sat), that it is innately conscious (chit), and that it is the essence of joy and love (ananda).

As ananda, the Great Love is woven into the fabric of the universe, which of course also puts it at the center of our own being. Most of us get glimpses of the Great Love at some time in our lives—perhaps in nature, or with an intimate partner, or in the moment of bonding with our children. We remember these experiences for years afterward, often for the rest of our lives. We remember the feeling of deep connectedness they give us, and the fact that even when the love we feel seems inspired by someone or something in particular, it has a profoundly impersonal, universal quality. And sometimes, the Great Love hits us unveiled, as it were, and changes our lives.

2. Individual Love

All of us, throughout our lives, constantly project onto other people and things the feelings of love that actually come from within. "It was the music," we say. It was the surf! It was my teacher's presence!" Yet the yogic view is that all of our experiences of human love are actually glimpses of the Great Love, God’s joy. It is only when love gets filtered through the prism of the human psyche that it begins to look specific and limited. It becomes veiled by our thoughts and feelings, and we start to think that love comes and goes, that we can feel it only for certain people, or that there's not enough love to go around. We can't help doing this.

Our senses, mind and ego are hardwired to give us the experience of separateness and distinction, set us up to think that love is outside us, that some people and places and things are lovable and others are not, and furthermore, that love has different flavors: mother love, romantic love, love of movies, love of nature, compassionate love, sexual love, love of the cozy feeling of being under the covers at the end of a long day.

In short, if the Great Love is naturally unifying, our individual, human experience of love is subject to change and loss, moods and tides, attachments and aversions. It doesn't matter who or what we love; at some point, the object of our love will disappear from our life or disappoint us or stop being lovable, simply because change is the nature of existence. So individual love is always touched with suffering, even when the love we feel is "spiritual."

3. Love as Spiritual Practice

The third kind of love, love as a practice is the medicine for the terrible discrepancy we sometimes feel between our sense of what love can be and the actuality of our ordinary experience of it. The practice of love is actions and attitudes that create an atmosphere of kindness, acceptance, and unity in us and in those around us. It is not only the basis of spiritual life, it is also the basis of civilization. We can't always feel gratitude, but we can remember to say thank you. We can't always like other people, but we can try to pay attention when they talk to us and help them out when they're in trouble. We may not feel good about ourselves all the time, but we can practice treating ourselves gently, slowing down and breathing when we want to rush, or talking back to our inner voices of self-criticism and judgment. When it comes to daily life, feeling love may actually be less important than acting loving.

This isn't meant as an argument for pasted-on smiles, or for the common game of hiding anger and judgment behind a mask of false sweetness. The practice of loving is never about presenting a false front. Instead, it's an active answer to one of life's greatest questions: How can I, in spite of what I may be feeling at a particular moment, offer my best to myself and other people.

If we pose this question to ourselves, how would we act if we were feeling love? We will eventually discover the practice that helps melt our frozen heart, so the love that always hides behind our emotional barricades can show its face.

How to Connect to the Source of Love

We may consider two practices that can help reconnect to the source of love. Both cultivate the feeling of unity. One is based on the insight to bypass the ego, which cuts us off from love.

The second is, the Great Love, the love that is the source of everything, is present in everything, peeking out during every moment in which we feel a spark of tenderness, appreciation, or affection.

Preparing for Death

When a person enters the final stage of the dying process, two different dynamics are at work, which are closely interrelated and interdependent. On the physical plane, the body begins the final process of shutting down, which will end when all the physical systems cease to function. Usually this is an orderly and un-dramatic progressive series of physical changes which are not medical emergencies requiring invasive interventions. These physical changes are a normal, natural way in which the body prepares itself to stop, and the most appropriate kinds of responses are comfort enhancing measures.

The other dynamic of the dying process at work is on the emotional-spiritual-mental plane, and is a different kind of process. The spirit of the dying person begins the final process of release from the body, its immediate environment, and all attachments. This release also tends to follow its own priorities, which may include the resolution of whatever is unfinished of a practical nature and reception of permission to “let go” from family members. These events are the normal, natural way in which the spirit prepares to move from this existence into the next dimension of life. The most appropriate kinds of responses to the emotional-spiritual-mental changes are those which support and encourage this release and transition.

When a person’s body is ready and wanting to stop, but the person is still unresolved or un-reconciled over some important issue or with some significant relationship, he or she may tend to linger in order to finish whatever needs finishing even though he or she may be uncomfortable or debilitated. On the other hand, when a person is emotionally-spiritually-mentally resolved and ready for this release, but his or her body has not completed its final physical shut down, the person will continue to live until that shut down process ceases.

The emotional-spiritual-mental and physical signs and symptoms of impending death

Not all these signs and symptoms will occur with every person, nor will they occur in this particular sequence. Each person is unique and needs to do things in his or her own way. This is not the time to try to change your loved one, but the time to give full acceptance, support, and comfort.

Coolness

The person's hands and arms, feet and then legs may be increasingly cool to the touch, and at the same time the color of the skin may change. This is a normal indication that the circulation of blood is decreasing to the body’s extremities and being reserved for the most vital organs. Keep the person warm with a blanket, but do not use one that is electric.

Sleeping

The person may spend an increasing amount of time sleeping, and appear to be uncommunicative or unresponsive and at times be difficult to arouse. This normal change is due in part to changes in the metabolism of the body. Sit with your loved one, hold his or her hand, but do not shake it or speak loudly. Speak softly and naturally. Plan to spend time with your loved one during those times when he or she seems most alert or awake. Do not talk about the person in the person’s presence. Speak to him or her directly as you normally would, even though there may be no response. Never assume the person cannot hear; hearing is the last of the senses to be lost.

Disorientation

The person may seem to be confused about the time, place, and identity of people surrounding him or her including close and familiar people. This is also due in part to the metabolism changes. Identify yourself by name before you speak rather than to ask the person to guess who you are. Speak softly, clearly, and truthfully when you need to communicate something important for the patient’s comfort, such as, It is time to take your medication, and explain the reason for the communication, such as, so you won’t begin to hurt. Do not use this method to try to manipulate the patient to meet your needs.

Incontinence

The person may lose control of urine and/or bowel matter as the muscles in that area begin to relax. Discuss with your nurse what can be done to protect the bed and keep your loved one clean and comfortable.

Congestion

The person may have gurgling sounds coming from his or her chest as though marbles were rolling around inside these sounds may become very loud. This normal change is due to the decrease of fluid intake and an inability to cough up normal secretions. Suctioning usually only increases the secretions and causes sharp discomfort. Gently turn the person’s head to the side and allow gravity to drain the secretions. You may also gently wipe the mouth with a moist cloth. The sound of the congestion does not indicate the onset of severe or new pain.

Restlessness

The person may make restless and repetitive motions such as pulling at bed linen or clothing. This often happens and is due in part to the decrease in oxygen circulation to the brain and to metabolism changes. Do not interfere with or try to restrain such motions. To have a calming effect, speak in a quiet, natural way, lightly massage the forehead, read to the person, or play some soothing music.

Urine Decrease

The person´s urine output normally decreases and may become tea colored referred to as concentrated urine. This is due to the decreased fluid intake as well as decrease in circulation through the kidneys. Consult with your Hospice nurse to determine whether there may be a need to insert or irrigate a catheter.

Fluid and Food Decrease

The person may have a decrease in appetite and thirst, wanting little or no food or fluid. The body will naturally begin to conserve energy which is expended on these tasks. Do not try to force food or drink into the person, or try to use guilt to manipulate them into eating or drinking something. To do this only makes the person much more uncomfortable. Small chips of ice, frozen Gatorade or juice may be refreshing in the mouth. If the person is able to swallow, fluids may be given in small amounts by syringe (ask the nurse for guidance). Glycerin swabs may help keep the mouth and lips moist and comfortable. A cool, moist washcloth on the forehead may also increase physical comfort.

Breathing Pattern Change

The person s regular breathing pattern may change with the onset of a different breathing pace. A particular pattern consists of breathing irregularly, i.e., shallow breaths with periods of no breathing of five to thirty seconds and up to a full minute. The person may also experience periods of rapid shallow breathing. These patterns are very common and indicate decrease in circulation in the internal organs. Elevating the head, and/or turning the person onto his or her side may bring comfort. Hold your loved one’s hand. Speak gently.

Normal Emotional, Spiritual, and Mental Signs and Symptoms with Appropriate Responses

Withdrawal

The person may seem unresponsive, withdrawn, or in a comatose-like state. This indicates preparation for release, a detaching from surroundings and relationships, and a beginning of letting go. Since hearing remains all the way to the end, speak to your loved one in your normal tone of voice, identifying yourself by name when you speak, hold his or her hand, and say whatever you need to say that will help the person let go.

Vision-like Experiences

The person may speak or claim to have spoken to persons, who have already died, or to see or have seen places not presently accessible or visible to you. This does not indicate a hallucination or a drug reaction. The person is beginning to detach from this life and is being prepared for the transition so it will not be frightening. Do not contradict, explain away, belittle or argue about what the person claims to have seen or heard. Just because you cannot see or hear it does not mean it is not real to your loved one. Affirm his or her experience. They are normal and common. If they frighten your loved one, explain that they are normal occurrences.

Decreased Socialization

The person may only want to be with a very few or even just one person. This is a sign of preparation for release and affirms from whom the support is most needed in order to make the appropriate transition. If you are not part of this inner circle at the end, it does not mean you are not loved or are unimportant. It means you have already fulfilled your task with your loved one, and it is the time for you to say Good-bye. If you are part of the final inner circle of support, the person needs your affirmation, support, and permission.

Unusual Communication

The person may make a seemingly out of character or non sequitur statement, gesture, or request. This indicates that he or she is ready to say Good-bye and is testing you to see if you are ready to let him or her go. Accept the moment as a beautiful gift when it is offered. Kiss, hug, hold, cry, and say whatever you most need to say.

Giving Permission

Giving permission to your loved one to let go, without making him or her guilty for leaving or trying to keep him or her with you to meet your own needs, can be difficult. A dying person will normally try to hold on, even though it brings prolonged discomfort, in order to be sure those who are going to be left behind will be all right. Therefore, your ability to release the dying person from this concern and give him or her assurance that it is all right to let go whenever he or she is ready is one of the greatest gifts you have to give your loved one at this time.

Saying Good-bye

When the person is ready to die and you are able to let go, then is the time to say good-bye. Saying good-bye is your final gift of love to your loved one, for it achieves closure and makes the final release possible. It may be helpful to lie in bed and hold the person, or to take his or her hand and then say everything you need to say.

It may be as simple as saying, I love you. It may include recounting favorite memories, places, and activities you shared. It may include saying, I ’m sorry for whatever I contributed to any tension or difficulties in our relationship. It may also include saying, Thank you for...

Tears are a normal and natural part of saying good-bye. Tears do not need to be hidden from your loved one or apologized for. Tears express your love and help you to let go.

How Will You Know When Death Has Occurred?

Although you may be prepared for the death process, you may not be prepared for the actual death moment. It may be helpful for you and your family to think about and discuss what you would do if you were the one present at the death moment. The death of a person is not an emergency. Nothing must be done immediately.

The signs of death include such things as no breathing, no heartbeat, release of bowel and bladder, no response, eyelids slightly open, pupils enlarged, eyes fixed on a certain spot, no blinking, jaw relaxed and mouth slightly open. If the person is in the hospital, a nurse will come to assist if needed or desired.

Guiding the dying process

Sit comfortably, go into your inner nature, and visualize the radiant light of Jesus, the Saints, the Yogis or the Holy Spirit, whichever Divine being you feel close to.

For those who do not feel a connection to a Divine figure, you can imagine a golden light in your forehead or the sky before you. Feel what you visualize is the body of truth, wisdom and compassion. Don’t worry if you have difficulties visualizing  just fill your heart with the presence you have invoked and pray: through your blessings, grace and guidance, to the power of the light that streams from you, may all my imperfections, destructive emotions, blockages be purified and removed. Now, consider yourself completely purified and completely made whole by the presence. Consider that your body is now ready to dissolve into the light. Now your body of light soars into the heavenly realms. Imagine, that the deity is so moved by your prayer, that it responds by sending out streams of light touching you and you see and feel that you are totally immersed in the light. Imagine that you are flying out of your body like a shooting star and into the Divine presence. Merge your consciousness with the presence.

So be it.

The Present Moment, by Paramahansa Yogananda

I will tell you how I live and work in the world. My body and the world are my office; and my inner Self is my home. My mind always dwells within. I live from day to day. There is no consciousness of past or future; I am living in the eternally happy present. It is not a mundane happiness, which becomes boring after a while so that you welcome a little difficulty just for a change. The joy that has come upon me is a thousand million times more intoxicating—ever-changing, ever-new. In that consciousness you feel all the happiness in the world passing through you. Your love is all-encompassing. That is the experience of God's love. I see people suffering from sickness and poverty and all kinds of misery, and I yearn to bring them all where I am: Whether I laugh or cry at the scenes of this earthly drama, a current of bliss is ever moving underneath my outer consciousness. At first it was different. I would try to be happy, but then some sadness would come inside. But I continued in meditation to make the effort to know God, and now it is happiness all the time. My body and mind respond to what my heart feels. It is filled with divine love no matter whether I talk to people of peace or business—always God's joy bubbling within me.

In search of myself

The Christ within

To all who read this, I speak.

This message is to you, who, through long years and much running to and fro, have been eagerly seeking, in books and teachings, in philosophy and religion, because you were in search for Truth, Happiness, Freedom and God.

To you who’s Soul is weary and discouraged and almost destitute in hope;

To you, who many times has obtained a glimpse of that "Truth" only to find, when you followed and tried to reach it, it disappeared again into the beyond, and now resides in your memory like a mirage.

To you, who thought you had found the truth in some great teacher, who was perhaps the acknowledged head of some Society, Fraternity or Religion, and who appeared to you to be the one who’s apparent wisdom was so marvelously taught, only to awaken later to the realization that that he was but a human personality, with the same faults, weaknesses, and impurities, of those to whom he spoke, even though that personality may have been a channel that revealed many beautiful teachings, which seemed to reveal the highest truth.

Now know you are a Soul, one with Spirit. You may be weary and hungry, and not knowing where to turn. But there is hope, as long as you persist in your search for truth and inner joy.

The answer will come to you from within your own Self, from your Soul, the Christ within, but you must learn to listen to its still voice and follow its prompting. It will reveal itself to you as intuition, as well as conscience.  

In preparation, you need to still your mind. You also need to ask yourself, who or what am I. Am I this body, am I this mind or do I have a body and a mind? And what is this I, which speaks with such seeming knowledge and authority.

It is that inner essence of you who is and knows; who knows all things, always knew, and always was.

It is your true Self; it is that part of you who says I am. I am, existence itself.

It is that transcendent, innermost part of you which awakens and which recognizes all Truth and discards all error wherever it is found.

It is your real teacher, the only real one you will ever really know, the only master, your divine Self.

This I, the I am of you, is your true guide. It is the true teacher because it is a part of God, Who is and always has been providing you not only with all your needs, but also all physical, mental and spiritual growth.

In the past what may have primarily appealed to you, was coming from some outward stimuli and manifested in objects of your choosing. These objects were ego based, I want this, I want that. Without knowing, this same process placed you into bondage of your own making, from which you now must free yourself. 

The I AM of you is not your human mind, it is the Divine in you.

Weigh and study these words carefully.

Rise up and free yourself from all impure teachings which dominated your personality. From now on, your mind and intellect must become the servant to your Soul.

If you are strong and want to maintain this path you need to examine and put aside many of your personal beliefs and opinions, which you have gathered from what can be spoken of as the dumping grounds of society.

If you cast it all away, then this message will be to you a source of endless Joy and Blessing.

Yet be prepared to have to have periods of doubts concerning these teachings, if they are new to you. For your ego will be threatened, as it knows that it cannot live and thrive and no longer dominate your thinking, your feelings, your going and coming, as it did in the past.

This message will speak to your heart and make you conscious of its presence.

I always spoke to you, but you may not have always listened to it.

Your essence has purposely led you through the wilderness of books and teaching, of religions and philosophies, keeping ever before your Soul's eye the vision and promise of soul freedom which it could not provide, in order that you might remember you freedom in God’s Spirit.

Now the time has come for you consciously know the Self that you really are. For the start, you must learn to be still. As the scriptures teach, “Be still and know that I am God”.

It is in total stillness, that you will realize your true Self and eventually the presence of God.

You will recognize the presence of God as an expression of great inner peace and joy that no word can describe. Once you have tasted this presence you will always want to be in it. This peace will weaken your desires for sense gratification, since they cannot be compared to the joy of God. God is the only power that exists and at the same time it is love, peace, joy, righteousness and more.

Above all, it cannot be mentioned often enough, that God is within you.

Many people have given up on organized religion as a result of unpleasant experience. But those who have written in the scriptures have had personal experiences, (see below) experiences, which you can have also as long as you keep your heart open.

Isaiah 41:10

    Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

1 Corinthians 3:16

    Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?

John 14:16-17

    And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.

Psalm 23:4

    Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Put you trust not in man, but in the God within, whom you can experience and the God without Who rules all of His creation of which you are a part. Creation is of Spirit and Matter. Matter, energy is nothing but Spirit in expression.

Put your trust in God, for all your needs, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. God is imminent in all and let God manifest through you His will. Trust and all things will be given unto you.

When you turn to God, you will always find Him, as He is just a thought away. He is your own consciousness. You only need to be still and allow Him to express. Not mine, but Thy will be done.

This Knowledge, this Realization, will not come at once. It may not come for years, yet it may come at any moment. It depends upon no one, but on your readiness.

Not upon your personality, with its human desires and human understanding, but upon the “I AM of you, the God within”.