True self love is a love of self whereby we will and
seek our own true good, both spiritual and temporal? It is a love guided by
right reason and divine faith.
In practice, to love ourselves means
above all to combat our natural egoism which tends to impoverish our nature,
and which seeks self-satisfaction through every kind of pleasure accomplished
by any kind of means. It is a life lived with no guiding principle except the
fulfillment of the desire of the moment.
We must love ourselves before we can
reach out in love to others.
We must love others before we can
"climb the steps" to perfect love of God.
But we must love God first if we are to
truly love ourselves.
Spiritual Love is pure and unveiled. It
is always present, regardless of whether or not we are in a relationship. It is
in our own heart. We must find this love in the self and see that beauty is
created by love.
In the Buddhist tradition, which has
produced countless outstandingly generous and selfless individuals, there is an
emphasis on developing love for our self as an indispensable prerequisite for
loving others. Buddhists believe that if one does not love himself, then it is
hard, if not impossible, to love other people.
In the Christian tradition the
injunction is also to “love others as we love our self,” implying that we ought
to love not just others but ourselves as well. In fact the assumption in saying
that we should love others as ourselves is that we already do love ourselves
and that we need to extend that love to others.
Buddha’s teaching on love states, just
as blood nourishes the heart which keeps it flowing, so love nourishes
spiritual freedom and is, in turn, kept flowing by it. The connection is so
strong that Buddhism, often known as a Path of Freedom, could equally be called
a religion of love. Perhaps this is what he had in mind when the Dalai Lama
said his religion is kindness. For the Buddha, love is one of the paths to full
spiritual liberation.
If we call Buddhism a path of love we
need to be clear what we mean by love, or more precisely, what forms of love we
are including.
Freedom is the guide, the measure, and
the ultimate goal of all things. Buddhist love includes those forms of love
that are characterized by freedom.
Love that involves clinging, lust,
confusion, neediness, fear, or grasping to self would, in Buddhist terms, be
seen as expressions of bondage and limitation.
Loving,
kindness, compassion, joy, and a particular form of calmness and peace
are the four kinds of love taught and encouraged in classic Buddhist teachings.
None of these are uniquely Buddhist; they are four qualities that reside within
the heart everyone, at least as potentials.
Teachings about the four forms of love
existed in India prior to the Buddha; they were elements common to the Indian
spiritual world which Buddha included within his system of practice.
While Buddhism cannot exist without
love, it may be helpful to realize that love can exist happily apart from
Buddhism.
Learning the ways of these four loves
does not require one to become a Buddhist. It only requires a willingness to
develop innate capacities.
In their most developed forms, the four
types of love can each become a boundless radiance glowing from us. As such, love
may flow from us equally toward all beings or it can glow freely without
needing to be directed to anyone. When we feel boundless love without any
particular object in mind, this is a form of great liberation.
People have experienced great love while
in meditation, only to have it disappear quickly outside of meditation. It can
be easy to love all beings in the abstract, but it can be a great challenge to
do so when we have to live with them. It is one thing to love and another to
express that love in daily life.
One of the most rewarding spiritual
practices is to cultivate the ability to bring love into all aspects of our
life and to all people we encounter. This entails learning how to express love
while we speak with others, are in
conflict with others, and are living with others. While this can be a
daunting task, it begins with having the intention to do so.
Let us awaken the love in us and share
it as a great blessing with all.